Absurd Missions
by ShadowGirl95
Summary: Konoha has been known to send ninjas off on missions to some pretty strange places, read on as I send them to very well known places...For us anyway. Let the torture commence!
1. Bunnings Warehouse

**Bunnings Warehouse**

This is a fic I wrote about all the trouble a few Konoha ninja's could get into without their Sensei. Add a warehouse store, a frail old lady, loads of sharp and dangerous tools not to mention an evil Rottweiler and you have a recipe for some hilarious fun and disaster.

•°o.O `·.¸¸.·´´¯`··._.· O.o°•

"Don't let me down!" Tsunade called after Naruto and his team as they set off, out the Konoha gate, on their new mission. Only when the three kids became specks in the distance did Shizune speak to Tsunade, "this is going to end bad, you do realize that don't you?"

Tsunade smiled, "yes I'm well aware of that, but what else could I do?" Tsunade was right; there was nothing else she could have done. Recently there had been an attack set on Konoha by some unknown ninja's. Konoha had protected itself however there had been significant damage on most the buildings. Everyone in Konoha was now using their strength to work together to look after anyone hurt and rebuild the destroyed houses. Kakashi had been severely hurt during the battle and didn't have the strength to do anything right now and because everyone was working to rebuild Konoha, when they ran out of supplies they had to send a group out to Bunnings. Naruto's group was chosen however there was no other supervising ninja to accompany them. It was just Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto on this mission, but they weren't little kids anymore right? Surely they could be mature about this, get the supplies quickly and get back before the end of the day…right?

At the store:

Naruto stared wide eyed as they entered the store; he had never been to a place like this before. Sakura tried to be professional but found herself staring at all the different equipment. Sasuke walked through the store calmly but was still amazed.

Sakura pointed to one of the aisles, "this one first, okay guys. Naruto, Sasuke?"

Sakura turned around in surprise to find the two boys had run off through the store to do their own thing. _Oh well, we have plenty of time, no harm in having a look around I suppose!_ Thought Sakura as she headed down the back of the store toward the plant section.

And so the mischief began.

Naruto picked up a large tin of blue paint, "O'my god, face paint!" Naruto took a few seconds inspecting all of the tins before yelling his next sentence, "In multicolours!"

Naruto flung his hands in the air forgetting he was still holding the paint. As he did the paint tin slipped from his grip and went flying through the air. A couple of meters away an old lady hobbled along with a walking frame heading for the plant section of the store. As if watching in slow motion, Naruto was powerless as the paint tin started coming back to the ground (thanks to gravity) and headed straight for the frail old woman. The tin hit the lady square on the head and as it did, the lid popped off. Not only was the lady rendered unconscious but she was also now covered in blue paint. Naruto fled the scene as fast as he could.

Naruto ran down to the other end of the store and catching his breath came to a halt in a random aisle. This aisle was filled with drills and other equipment and with a start Naruto realised Sasuke was staring right at him from the other end of the aisle.

"Hey Naruto, look what I found, the weapon that will take your life!" Sasuke said proudly as he held up a particularly big and menacing looking drill. Naruto's heart nearly skipped a beat in fear but he then laughed, "Hahaha, nearly got me there Sasuke, but I know they wouldn't actually have them connected into a power supply!"

Sasuke pressed down hard on the lever with an evil smile and the drill came to life.

In the plant section:

Sakura wandered aimlessly looking at all the different plants. The area she was in was huge and was actually outside but was surrounded completely by shade cloth. She enjoyed looking at all the plants especially the ones that had beautiful smelling flowers. Sakura walked on and became so engrossed in the plants she tuned out to everything else around her. That was why, as she walked on, she didn't see the dog tail until she had well and truly stepped on it. Hard.

The yelp was what snapped Sakura back to attention but it was only the growling that really made Sakura realise what had happened. With a fright Sakura stared down at the dog she had hurt, it was a large Rottweiler. And it was now growling and frothing at the mouth.

A staff member standing not so far away was surprised by the yelp too and started calling the dog over, "Assassin! Come here, leave the girl alone!" It was apparently the staff's dog, if the look of the dog wasn't scary enough, the name made Sakura feel very afraid indeed.

Sakura did what any sane and dignified person would do in this situation. She ran for her life.

However, the dog followed her at top speed.

Cat and mouse (in this case dog and Sakura):

Sakura wasn't sure how long she ran for, although she was dimly aware of passing an old lady covered in blue paint. No time to wonder what that was about though because the Rottweiler, AKA Assassin, was right on Sakura's heels. Sakura ran for ages but finally managed to gain a lead by dodging into random aisles. Dashing through the store, Sakura made a sharp turn into another random aisle and ran right into the back of Naruto. Sasuke was standing there too holding up a drill, no time for questions.

"Guys you've got to help me! I was in the plant section when I stood on a dog's tail and it started going all ballistic on me! Its name's Assassin and it chased me all through the store, even pass an old lady covered in blue paint and a bunch of dancing mermaids singing your name Sasuke!"

Naruto narrowed his eyes at Sakura, "the _plant_ section huh? You didn't happen to sniff anything out there did you?"

"Are you saying I'm on drugs?" Sakura yelled in fury.

"I'm saying it's a possibility."

Sasuke smiled, "I can explain the dancing mermaids, you didn't think I'd spent all this time just in this aisle did you?"

There was no time for an explanation because it was at this time that Assassin finally caught up with Sakura and burst through the aisle.

"Get back dog, I've got a drill and I'm not afraid to use it!" cried Sasuke in defence.

"You can't be serious; you can't hurt a dog with a drill!" snapped Sakura angrily.

"Why not?"

"It's cruel!"

In between this argument Naruto was stuck on the spot with fear.

With a heavy sigh Sakura grabbed both boys and pulled them along as she ran full speed toward the exit.

"No, my drill!" Sasuke called out in desperation as it slipped out of his hand and landed on the floor.

Sakura reached the exit and even when they got out, she kept running.

The return:

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto all made it back to Konoha just as the sun was setting. Tsunade was waiting for them at the gate and was pleasantly surprised to see them. As they reached her however, all they felt was a sense of forbidding.

"Well done, you made it back in time!" Tsunade said happily, "now, where are the supplies?"

The three ninja's sweat dropped, "Umm," tried Sakura, "it's a long story..."

•°o.O `·.¸¸.·´´¯`··._.· O.o°•

Well there we go! Now, where do you think Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura should visit next? Tell me in a review!


	2. WOW!

**Thanks RaraLion for your request, lets send Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto to WoW! **

This is the second chapter for Absurd Missions, a fic about all the trouble a few Konoha ninja's could get into without their Sensei. Add a technology store, a mentally unstable customer, loads of hi-tech electrical things, not to mention a young brain washing boy with the voice of a strangling chipmunk, and you have a recipe for some hilarious fun and disaster.

•°o.O `·.¸¸.·´´¯`··._.· O.o°•

Tsunade watched as Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke walked off in the distance. She sighed and turned to face Shizune who looked on disapprovingly.

"Tsunade-Sama, why them again?"

Tsunade shook her head, "there isn't much of a choice, there're the only ones I can send on this mission."

"I know," Shizune said slowly, "but if this turns out like the last one..."

"Don't worry; I have faith they won't muck up again!" Tsunade said proudly.

Shizune sighed; Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke had once again been sent off on an important mission without their Sensei. Kakashi was in the hospital right now in a coma; apparently he had been in the library when he'd accidentally knocked down a shelf. The shelf had toppled on top of Kakashi and had knocked him out. Every other Jonin was busy on other missions at the moment leaving the three unqualified Genin's to go out alone. Team 7 had to be sent out to check up on a strange letter Tsunade had received from Jiraiya who claimed there was a bizarre Chakra coming from a place called WoW.

At the store:

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto stepped into the electronic store, "WOW..." they all said in union.

"Okay," said Sakura in a serious manner, "lets split up and search the whole store for anything unusual!"

Naruto and Sasuke nodded in agreement and left quickly.

_Well all I can do now is hope they don't get into any trouble. _Sakura thought to herself, _meanwhile I guess I'll look around and try to sense any unusual chakra._

Where's Naruto you ask?

Naruto didn't walk all that far from the entrance, in fact he stopped the second he noticed the cameras on display. With a quizzical face he studied them as they gleamed in the light.

_I wonder how they work,_ he thought.

"Um, can I help you?"

Naruto turned around in surprise to the voice he had heard and found himself facing a middle aged man. The man look young and yet he was bald.

"No." Replied Naruto as he put this hand on one of the cameras near by.

"Gah, don't touch that!" The man yelled out.

Naruto took his hand away...and then put it on another camera to his left.

"Not that one!" The man cried out as he lunged toward Naruto and slapped his hand away.

"Whoa," Naruto said, "what's your problem, I wasn't going to break it or nothing."

"Of course," the man said, "just don't want to get them dirty..."

Naruto stared at the man who seemed to have developed an eerie twitch in his right eye.

"You're twitching."

"No I'm not."

"Yes. you. are"

"I said I'm not! Mummy, tell the voices to stop!" screamed the man as he started ripping his own hair out, although Naruto wasn't quite sure how the man was doing that, seeing as he had a bald head.

Naruto turned and started walking in the opposite direction.

_If that wasn't unusual,_ Naruto thought, _I don't know what is..._

Sasuke on the other hand...

Sasuke studied the machine very carefully; he had never seen anything like it before in Konoha. Whatever it was seemed to be on, as the screen glowed. He stood staring at it a good ten minutes before a staff member went over to see what was wrong.

"Is everything ok here?" she asked timidly.

Sasuke turned to her and asked, "Tell me, what is this thing called?"

The girl laughed, "That would be an iPod Touch."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, "and how does it work exactly?"

Sasuke spent the next ten minutes of his exciting life learning how to use an iPod Touch. He regretted nothing.

Meanwhile, Sakura was actually doing the right thing.

Sakura sighed and held her head in her hands. There was nothing. No unusual chakra whatsoever. So far she had searched high and low for anything out of the ordinary and had used her chakra to probe the surrounding area, but there was just, well...nothing.

Sakura sat down in exhaustion underneath a series of TV's that were on display. They were showing some music video and showed a woman with red hair singing something about a holiday.*

Sakura soon side tracked and found herself engrossed in watching all the videos. There was a few seconds of silence and blank screen before a new music video was shown, and that was when Sakura discovered the source of the unusual chakra.

What in the name of Hokage is going on?

The music weaved through all the speakers in the entire store and people began to stop and stare. The floor began to shake and things began to fall down from shelves as fan girls mobbed the entire area, each pushing to see the screens. The girls screamed as the song began,

"_Oh woooah, oh woooooah, oh wooooah, oh.  
__You know you love me, I know you care  
Just shout whenever, And I'll be there…"_

Sakura stared up at the screen in utter disbelief, "Oh. My. God."

Sasuke was walking through the store experiencing the same shock when he found Sakura on the edge of the huge crowd.

"Sasuke!" Sakura cried out in relief, "I found the source of the weird chakra!"

Sasuke looked up at the screens in horror, "I know, it looks like a brainwashing technique!" The two ninja's looked up as they saw a young boy dancing around in the video on display singing with the voice of a chipmunk. A choking chipmunk. However the other people surrounding them seemed to love it.

Sakura picked out a few girl voices and discovered the name of the culprit. Before Sakura could tell Sasuke of the new information she spotted Naruto a few feet away singing and dancing in time to the music. Sasuke noticed him too and they both ran to Naruto through the crowd.

Sasuke reached him first, "Naruto, what in the name of Hokage are you doing?"

Naruto turned to Sasuke and tried dancing with him while signing, "And I was like  
Baby, baby, baby ohhh…Like baby, baby, baby noo…Like baby, baby, baby ohh-"

Naruto's singing was stoped short as Sasuke slapped him in the face.

Sakura watched in shock, "Oh no, this is terrible! He's been brainwashed by Justin Bieber!"

Sasuke grabbed hold of Naruto and pulled him from the crowd. Sakura followed.

"So just who is this Justine beaver?" Sasuke asked Sakura.

"It's Justin Bieber actually."

"Whatever, same thing, but who is she?"

"I think it's actually a he."

"Stop stressing over the fine details. Whatever it is, it seems to be a formidable opponent as well as a highly skilled brainwasher." Sasuke stared at the still singing and dancing Naruto as he said this. Sakura nodded in agreement.

Sasuke suddenly smiled and turned to Sakura, "I've got an idea, but were going to need Naruto's rasengan to pull it off."

"Naruto's rasengan?"

Sasuke nodded and proceeded to slap Naruto across the face until he came back to reality and stopped singing. Sasuke looked at his two teammates and told them very seriously his plan.

"So, we're just going to have Naruto smash all the screens in here with his rasengan?"

Sasuke nodded.

"Meaning, I get to destroy stuff for fun…err…I mean for the good of mankind."

Sasuke again nodded.

"Okay!" shouted Naruto as he broke the spell over the thousands of fan girls who stood in the store by smashing every TV he could find, even the ones that weren't showing Justin Bieber.

Back to Konoha! 

Team 7 arrived back to Konoha in a rather happy mood. They reported to Lady Tsunade straight away.

"We discovered the source of the unusual chakra as a deadly enemy who had the ability to control minds." Sakura informed Tsunade.

Sasuke went on with the story, "We then perpetrated the enemy in the most effective way we saw fit and it was destroyed."

"Thanks to my awesomeness!" Naruto completed.

Tsunade beamed at the three, a very rare sight indeed, and congratulated them on their success.

When they left, Tsunade looked at Shizune, "see," Tsunade said smugly, "I knew I could trust them."

One week later...

Tsunade looked through the mound of papers collecting on her desk and mumbled the contents with little interest.

"Bills, more bills, an emergency message from the sand village, a five thousand dollar fine from Wow, a- Wait what? ...TEAM 7!"

•°o.O `·.¸¸.·´´¯`··._.· O.o°•

Well there we go! Now, where do you think Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura should visit next? It doesn't have to be a store it can be anywhere at all, literally anywhere you can think of. Tell me in a review!

*and that would be Vanessa Amorosi singing her song, Holiday.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, Naruto, Wow, Vanessa Amorosi or her song Holiday. I also most definitely do not own Justin Bieber or his wretched brainwashing song, Baby.


End file.
